Pizza Server Help

This is the help and information page for the web front-end of the Internet Pizza Server.

The World Wide Web has been a distant goal for us here at the Internet Pizza Server Designers Institute for a number of years now, but this goal had been just out of our reach until we made certain very scientific breakthroughs a matter of weeks ago.

Finally we had the necessary tools to complete the we did. The web Pizza Interface still uses the very same makepizza program that the e-mail original did, but it's now been enhanced to produce HTML output, if so asked. The pizzas are placed in a temporary holding zone until the transfer is complete and the user is given a chance to download the pizza if he or she wishes. (Every 7 or 8 minutes or so we send Rocko the Pizza Server Elf to clean up this directory--he's been known to be rude to customers from time to time.)

At long last, the Brilliant Computer Gods saw fit to better equip the Pizza Server to handle the increased e-pizza demands of the new cyber-frontier. We've been moved to a less heavily loaded machine here at the Internet Pizza Warehouse so that we can better perform the Highly Complex Pizza Generation Task. The average pizza takes a mere seven seconds to generate, with small pies finishing in two! (Time does not include transmission delays--please don't sue us.)

But what you really want to know is: how do I use the web interface? Well, we can't say much about it, since it's so self-explanatory. Rocko has a few choice words, but we can't say them on the Web. All easiness aside, here's a list for the complete e-pizza desiring novice:

  1. Go to the page titled "Order and view a pizza over the Web!".

  2. Use the selection menu to choose what size pizza you want

  3. Click on the check boxes for the toppings you want

  4. Go to the bottom of the page, and click on "Order Pizza"
And viola. You're there, dude.

But some of you might be asking, "What is this other way to order pizza over the Web? The one called "Order an e-mail pizza through the Web", that is. It is a little program that will deliver the e-pizza to your mailbox, the old fashioned way. Some of us still dig it, man.

Finally, let us give you some reasons to use the original non-web e-mail method for ordering the pies:

  1. You can get half and half pies. Why can't you do this via the web? Because. Yes, the form is easy to set up. But then we have to write another program to sort the toppings into halves after it's ordered, and we have to make a living here. Yes, Internet Pizza Server Elves all have side jobs to help support the Freeness Of The Internet. That little program would be too damn time consuming, and we just got our ears waxed. It would be a shame for that all to melt off because we were slaving over the hot e-pizza stove.

  2. The Internet Pizza Server does more things than just serve pizza: there's King of the Hill and a bunch of silly utilities, such as a text to PostScript converter, a "finger" utility, a xerox utility, and other stuff!

  3. Because that's the way The Ancients did it.

There. Those are the reasons. Now, order some pies! We're ready to get crackin'!

--The Internet Pizza Server Elves

December 9, 1994